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Burberry McGarrett

Burberry McGarrett’s Revenge for the Columbian Drug Bust (now with pictures!)

This story was originally published on December 21st at H50Sardonic and provides some Burberry McGarrett-inspired “missing scenes” in response to this prompt from Mis McGarrett:

I think “Pahele” really means “Missed opportunity” because I was so waiting for Gov to go apesh.t all over McG & team for the whole Korea nonsense, not to mention bust YLo for not ratting them out, and instead he is praising them for some cocaine bust. Whaaaa….?

Burberry McGarrett removed his pocket handkerchief with a flourish, shaking it out and using a corner to polish the lens of his fashion accessory horn-rimmed glasses. He hummed along with the Chopin sonata tinkling lightly through the surround sound stereo system in his high rise condo overlooking downtown Honolulu. A perfect sunset glowed pink on the Pacific. He grinned impishly. This time tomorrow a $90 million shipment of cocaine would be arriving in Honolulu harbor via the Castillo drug Cartel. Karla, Castillo’s chatty advance woman, was in the bathroom, “slipping into something a little more comfortable,” and his dumbass goody two-shoes long lost twin brother didn’t even know he was town. Life was good.


Life was not good. Word had leaked about the drug shipment and of course the 5-0s had caught the case. Curse Karla and her loquaciousness! Burberry smoothed the furrow forming between his grey-green eyes with a knuckle, and his giraffe-like eyelashes fluttered stressfully as he sighed. That woman’s inability to quit talking and just execute the plan would be the death of her one day.


Burberry McGarrett ducked his head as shots rang out and the 5-0s closed in on Castillo’s position. So Hugo was going to be captured – that would undoubtedly piss Karla off to no end. Well, thought Burberry, time to pull my finger out and implement the escape protocols – and just like that, Burberry McGarrett, his arm veins bulging dangerously, snatched up the nearest half-satchel of cocaine and vanished into the night.


The ten o’clock news special Burberry watched from his Hilton hotel suite that night covered the events of the day with the breathless enthusiasm the local news media saved especially for the 5-0s. From the governor’s press conference, to the murder of the bus driver and subsequent mass kidnapping, to the shoot out and rescue at the construction site, every detail was glowingly presented, as if it had been expensively produced for television, Burberry thought, to make the 5-0s look like infallible super heroes and, well, they’d shot everyone but Hugo, hadn’t they?

Burberry shrugged, poured himself a Pepsi (for some reason, coke just wasn’t agreeing with him) and plotted his revenge.

After thinking for a few minutes, he picked up the phone in the hotel suite, dialed a local number, and was pleased when the line was picked up. Disguising his playful Australian accent with what he hoped passed for a local inflection, he began to speak.

“Mister- uh- excuse me, Detective Williams! Congratulations! You’re the lucky winner of a weekend getaway at The Hilton…”

About SJ2

I am good with: Details, Bad Ideas, Hilarity, Sarcasm and Overthinking! I kid because I care!


2 thoughts on “Burberry McGarrett’s Revenge for the Columbian Drug Bust (now with pictures!)

  1. I love that it has pictures now. 😀

    Posted by Infant_Sardonic | January 27, 2012, 9:55 pm
  2. I am fanging for some more BMcG, JK!

    Posted by westy | April 1, 2012, 7:02 am

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