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H50, Real Life

Is There Something Wrong with Me? (Why yes. Yes there is.)

So DDK tweeted this earlier today & I don’t know, I had more than 140 characters worth of stuff to say in response (not say to him, specifically, just… SAY). So here I am. Saying it. In the form of an old-timely telegram.

I’m assuming the fan who asked the question wasn’t, like, having an asthma attack or wearing her clothes backwards or some other obvious problem that would cause this question to be posed. I’m also assuming she didn’t go up to Scott & Daniel & literally say “I love Hashtag Aych-Five-Oh.” That, would, again, prompt the question posed (for completely legit reasons). I’m also apparently assuming this person is a “her.”

While I’m at it, can I make another assumption? I’ll bet that it’s Alex who does most of the fan meet & greets because a) Alex is very nice and b) Alex can do what he’s told without making a federal case about it & c) since Alex has been out, Scott’s likely had to take more of this fan stuff on and since Scott a) hates BS and interviews and most likely fan meet & greets and b) has a “don’t give a f*ck” attidude in general… this was PROBABLY the only logical outcome to expect. Oh! but I’m also going to add my fangirlish c) Scott misses Alex something TERRIBLE and is crankier than usual because Alex isn’t around. So here we are.

By tweeting the question Scott posed to the fan, DDK (probably unintentionally) posed the question to all of us who saw it. I think DDK just meant to tell a funny story about his co-worker. But check the replies to his tweet — it got quite a few funny responses and even some answers. So here is mine.

SCOTT SAYS: Is there something wrong with you? There must be something wrong with you if you love Hawaii Five-0. I’ve heard, “if you see it on The Internet, it must be true.” So please tell me the truth; is there something wrong with you?

SCOTT, you are not wrong. But we have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. You might not believe that fans around the world love you, love Alex & Daniel & Grace. Love Hawaii Five-0. Love each other. You might not think that love is possible, if it is not comprehensible to you. But in this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.” In other words, Scotty, just because you don’t get it, doesn’t mean it’s not real.

Yes, SCOTT, there is something wrong with me. I love Hawaii Five-0. And that love exists as certainly as the love & generosity & devotion of my fellow fans exists and give to my life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Hawaii Five-0. It would be as dreary as if there were no SCOTTS. There would be no reason to endure Mondays, no adrenaline-fueled H50 hangovers (which make you hate Tuesdays), no endless discussions and debates and laughs with my friends to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in maybe like, NCIS:LA or Blue Bloods (but, brah, even you gotta admit, it wouldn’t be the same). The radiant sunlight with which Hawaii Five-0 and H50 fandom fills my world would be extinguished.

Not love Hawaii Five-0! You might as well give up on laughter, passion, beauty or friendship. You might get your papa to hire handsome, talented men to create & star in better tv shows to get everyone to stop watching Hawaii Five-0 but even if you did, what would that prove? Even if nobody watches Hawaii Five-0 ever again after today, that’s not proof that I never loved Hawaii Five-0. That I never loved you, or Alex & Daniel & Grace. Loved my girls. The most real things in the world are those that no fan (or actor) can see. Did you see how relieved I was to find a community of like-minded women at a time in my life when I needed acceptance & friendship? As an actor, you must know how validating it is to be found talented, interesting, and inspiring, by strangers. Do you know how amazing it is to watch as over the course of a few months those strangers become your friends? Do you see how I worry about them when their jobs are stressing them out or they have medical problems? Do you see how they make me laugh and think and *feel things* Every Damn Day? (You could actually see this one, just check my twitter mentions.) Of course you never saw any of these things. Never will see them. But that’s not proof they are not there or that they didn’t happen. “Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.” We’re here. We’re weird. Get used to it.

You may tear apart your show, break it down into components — quality of the acting, the writing, production values, hair & makeup, sound, wardrobe, special effects — to see what makes it tick, but Hawaii Five-0 fandom has an unseen element that not the most intelligent, observant man, nor even the united observations of all the most intelligent men that ever lived, could even identify or hope to disprove. Only friendship, humor, compassion, love, Ohana, can help us understand the true beauty of Hawaii Five-0. Is it all real? Ah, SCOTT, in all this world there is nothing else so real and abiding.

Not love Hawaii Five-0? Not a chance. Also, hate to break it to you, but it’s digital, dude, and your ass is living forever. A thousand years from now, Scott, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, Hawaii Five-0 will continue to make glad the hearts of fans.

If you actually read all the way through that — Thank you for indulging me. If you skipped to the end let me tell you it was kind of a terrible rip-off of the “Yes Virgina there is a Santa Claus” letter (which I normally find annoying but was just what I needed here).



Yes. There is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with me.

And no. No, there really, really isn’t.

About SJ2

I am good with: Details, Bad Ideas, Hilarity, Sarcasm and Overthinking! I kid because I care!


22 thoughts on “Is There Something Wrong with Me? (Why yes. Yes there is.)

  1. I read it all! I saw the tweet and wondered if Scott was joking and it was one of those things that just didn’t translate.

    Oh Scotty boy. Apart from the fact that show is successful (therefore you get paid VERY WELL and can buy another Maserati to go with your Ferrari and Porsche), why are you so cynical towards something people have spent a lot of time creating? And done it well, I might add.

    You don’t get a community, the ohana, if you will, that h50 has if there isn’t quality there, if the show doesn’t have a soul, which it quite obviously does. The mark of a good show is things like people discussing it obsessively, wishing their week away to see a new episode. Because it means we’ve been captured by the characters, drawn into the story lines, meaning show is successful. So really, mate, maybe your response should have been, “but of course you do!” as surely, as a writer, producer and actor you know this is the kind of thing you want to see in your fan base. Not every show or movie has to be like Capote or The Artist to be quality or worthy of love.

    Accept that we love show and laugh all the way to the bank and enjoy the ride your on. Because we sure do.

    Posted by Infant_Sardonic | March 14, 2012, 12:35 am
    • My feeling is that he was walking that fine line where teasing goes from being funny to “hits a little too close to home.” Like, trying to mask a serious question with a joke. I honestly think he’s curious about why people like this show.

      I love Scott’s bad-boy attitude, that he’ll say whatever he wants & not care what people think. This comment didn’t upset me… My first instinct was laughter (hence the telegram). Frankly, I’ve been wanting to say some of those things I said in the post & this just gave me the framework to do that.

      But yeah sometimes with Scott you gotta be all, shut up & cash your paycheck so I can keep watching you on my tv you beautiful, talented, a$$hole.

      Posted by stephaniejane2 (The Junk Kicker) | March 14, 2012, 6:43 am
      • Ugh. I certainly hope that it was said in a voice that clearly denoted that he WAS JOKING. And, even then it still doesn’t play well. Especially given his interviews in the past about not wanting to be on a TV show. I am sure that he was saying it with a self-depreciating bent, but when you do that too often, people start to believe you, dear Scott.

        Posted by KimmerNY | March 14, 2012, 12:42 pm
      • I have a vision of the sh/t on a stick picture and a woman with hearts floating around her head hands clasped screaming “OH MY GOD!! I LOVE YOUR SHOW”…..yeah I would have a snarky response to that to.
        He was joking…or he had his period….it happens to the best of us….does he really have a ferrari? yuck. I find that revolting.

        Posted by LaHagela (The Tinkler) | March 16, 2012, 9:33 am
  2. I’d like to think he was being snarky (a language which we love and understand). There’s been a fair bit of slightly hysterical overreaction to Season 2 along the lines of ‘the show is DREADFUL now, it’s been RUINED, it’s not a patch on Season 1, I’m going to stop watching it unless Big Changes Are Made’, so it’s easy to see how he could respond to “I love Hawaii Five-0!” with “really? everyone else thinks it’s sh!t”.

    I am choosing to think that this is what he meant regardless of whether or not it’s true, because otherwise I shall have to demote him from ‘first love’ to ‘first love who, in retrospect, turned out to be a bit of a d!ck, actually’. And I don’t want to do that.

    (Although even if he was joking, it would still have served him right if she’d replied “My God! A shadow has fallen from my eyes! It IS sh!t! I vow to stop watching immediately!” and then punched him in his sarcasm.)

    This really got your back up didn’t it? Real love, babe. And your telegram was a work of art!

    Posted by aliciad71 | March 14, 2012, 3:03 am
    • I love H50 the way I love my friend’s adorable babies that I see maybe once a week for an hour or so. That’s fair, right? πŸ˜‰

      Scott didn’t get my back up per se because I’m not mad, but I do FEEL THINGS and he really is kind of a d!ck, this sort of thing just comes with the territory of being a fan of his. When they were filming the Season 2 premier over the summer, Scott was quoted in a Chicago newspaper saying they were doing a scene at the airport that was like, the stupidest most ridiculous thing they’d ever done on the show & even Scott’s most sarcastic hard-core fangirls (&boys) were like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP because I don’t know about you but if I mouthed off about my job like that in public, I’d be in a fair bit of hot water. Like Infant said, can’t you just enjoy the ride you lucky person??

      (aside: when I read that S2 premier quote initially I thought it meant there’d be some dramatic showdown involving the plane Rachel & Gracie were taking back to New Jersey. Imagine my surprise when the only scene set at the airport was Danny greeting Joe White as he walked off the transport plane! Either that or Scott really hated how McG found poppa McG’s memory card in that airport locker, but that’s a stretch. Or the scene in question was in fact so dumb it was cut.)

      Anyway. I was just having a feelings explosion last night & this was the result. It’s all good. πŸ™‚

      Posted by stephaniejane2 (The Junk Kicker) | March 14, 2012, 6:58 am
      • Ah… well, then I take it all back. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but if he’s insulting someone – even in jest – who is just trying to pay him a compliment then, yes, he is a bit of a d!ck.

        Glad you’re not cross (I’m having an annoying day, so I’m seeing GRRRR in everything).

        Posted by aliciad71 | March 14, 2012, 7:27 am
      • Oh, I always took that quote to mean he was talking about his S1 airport scene with his brother. Never even occurred to me that he was talking about the Joe White thing.

        Posted by KimmerNY | March 14, 2012, 12:44 pm
        • you know you are probably right about that Kimmer, here is the link to the article and it was published in July 2011 — I assumed the interview had recently been done — but who knows, the interview could have happened much earlier in the year, and only published in July.

          Wow, if Scott thought the scene with Danno/Matty at the airport was “the least believable thing” they’d ever done, he still really sold it well. Wow.

          Posted by stephaniejane2 (The Junk Kicker) | March 14, 2012, 5:15 pm
          • I thought it must be the scene where they stop the plane by driving the car in front of it, (can’t remember which ep) in which case he was right.
            I too saw the comment on Twitter and thought he was probably joking. I hadn’t thought of Alicia’s take on it, ie that fans had been criticising season 2 which is possible.
            I think it was probably a jokey comment with, perhaps, a hint of self deprecation about it. He has said he does care about what people think of his work, he is sensitive, although sometimes he comes over as a bit of a wise ass (the last bit was me, not him). He has also said that he’s fine about fans, (probably because he’s grown up around celebrity).
            I don’t think DDK would have tweeted the comment if it had been really snarky.

            Posted by Mary Jane | March 18, 2012, 1:51 am
  3. Great post, Steph. I read the whole thing (do I get a gold star? Yes, yes I do – my gold star was in the 4th paragraph <3)

    Whatever that woman (i assume) has wrong with her, I too am afflicted by it. And I am v v happy about that.

    At first I was p-o'd at his comment, then I began to think that it was a bit of insecurity on SC's part – to deflect praise in such a way. And then I read your telegram (too funny) and yeah, I think he meant it to come across not d-baggish, but self-depreciating. OK, Scott. I'll give you a pass on the flaming….

    Posted by KimmerNY | March 14, 2012, 12:59 pm
    • AWW The Gold Star. ❀

      Yeah I'd bet there's no way he MEANT to be rude or mean – he just has kind of an abrasive & in-your-face personality (my opinion). Which, honestly — because I am f*cked in the head — I find highly attractive in a guy. Like I said to Alicia, he didn't upset me — he gave me the emotional push I needed to say what I wanted to say anyway (the Gold Stars).

      I also am v v happy to have the H50 disease. I hope my case is terminal, actually. πŸ˜‰

      Posted by stephaniejane2 (The Junk Kicker) | March 14, 2012, 4:02 pm
  4. Okay so I just stumbled on to this today – but still have 2cents to put in. I did read it all the way through, (yay me) I did get the “letter to Santa” vibe and I loved it. I would think if any group gets snark and has a sense of humor it would be a group of people who all met through a sardonic site – literally – but this is a great example of not putting in an email, or posting, or tweeting, anything you don’t want on the front page of the hypothetical newspaper. I think it is an insult to the people who employ him and his fellow cast members. It would be fine to sit around – off the record – with buddies or cast or crew and say that or worse. We all complain about our jobs, it comes with the territory. But it is the same feeling I get when checking out at Kroger’s and the cashier and bagger are b/tching about their jobs, management, etc. Take it to the break room ,but while I am spending my money at your store – or while I am watching your show and devoting time to it and maybe patronizing your sponsors, keep it shut in public. There could be lots to this story, like instead of her clothes on inside out maybe she was parading around naked like the Kony 2012 producer – and maybe it all could not fit in a tweet. But again, if it is not going to come across well in 140 characters – sit on it. He has at least an obligation to the public where his show and the sponsors who pay his salary are concerned. He can tweet about his personal stuff and opinions all day long, and put his politics out there too – and know that no matter which side he is for 50% of his fans will disagree, and take his chances. Now, it does not upset me either, it just a TV show, but your telegram and response deserve their own attention and did motivate me to at least throw out my own comment in it’s direction.
    It is nice of you all to give him the benefit of the doubt – or a pass – just for the sport of it I won’t. Nothing negative being sent your way, but if he can’t laugh all the way to the bank then maybe he should find a job worthy of his royal stature. Lastly, if anyone knows how to put their foot in their mouth it’s me, so maybe he’ll regret the comment and wish he had rephrased it – then he gets the pass, since I need plenty of those myself.
    Okay, maybe that was 4 cents.

    Posted by cvc | March 19, 2012, 9:35 am
    • LOL, love your 4 cents cvc! I think of how often I’ve either deleted tweets or wished I could re-write comments on sardonic because I didn’t communicate my intentions just right or came across as rude when I meant to be jokey — it’s tough. As a fan, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that DDK is on twitter & that he shares pics & thoughts & chats with fans. Love. It. But I would also understand if at some point he had to put it away because it got “too much.” And I totally get why Alex & Scott aren’t on twitter. If I were them, I couldn’t be either. I don’t know how the celebs who have millions of followers do it. Every tweet probably has to be written by committee, read & re-read 1,000 times for accuracy of meaning before hitting “send.”

      I think what I like best about your “4 cents” comment cvc, is that we kind of had the same reaction to this, you & I. Feelings not hurt, but FEELINGS brought out none the less & now we have to SAY THINGS. πŸ˜€ This is what I wanted to say — to get out there in the open that thanks to H50, my life has been greatly enhanced by friendships & joy of Show. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of in that!

      Posted by stephaniejane2 (The Junk Kicker) | March 20, 2012, 2:19 pm
  5. The things I miss when I go on vacay!! Read the whole post, read the whole comments. Am also afflicted by the 5-0 disease, and happy about it.

    I’m going to go with “Scott was joking, but everyone can be a wanker every once in a while, and this was his moment” as comment on this one. I do think DDK was attempting to relay a funny story, but you can only say so much in 140 characters, and tone is often misread on the interwebs.
    That’s why smilies are SO AWESOME

    Posted by heymomo | March 19, 2012, 6:42 pm

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