So DDK tweeted this earlier today & I don’t know, I had more than 140 characters worth of stuff to say in response (not say to him, specifically, just… SAY). So here I am. Saying it. In the form of an old-timely telegram.
I’m assuming the fan who asked the question wasn’t, like, having an asthma attack or wearing her clothes backwards or some other obvious problem that would cause this question to be posed. I’m also assuming she didn’t go up to Scott & Daniel & literally say “I love Hashtag Aych-Five-Oh.” That, would, again, prompt the question posed (for completely legit reasons). I’m also apparently assuming this person is a “her.”
While I’m at it, can I make another assumption? I’ll bet that it’s Alex who does most of the fan meet & greets because a) Alex is very nice and b) Alex can do what he’s told without making a federal case about it & c) since Alex has been out, Scott’s likely had to take more of this fan stuff on and since Scott a) hates BS and interviews and most likely fan meet & greets and b) has a “don’t give a f*ck” attidude in general… this was PROBABLY the only logical outcome to expect. Oh! but I’m also going to add my fangirlish c) Scott misses Alex something TERRIBLE and is crankier than usual because Alex isn’t around. So here we are.
By tweeting the question Scott posed to the fan, DDK (probably unintentionally) posed the question to all of us who saw it. I think DDK just meant to tell a funny story about his co-worker. But check the replies to his tweet — it got quite a few funny responses and even some answers. So here is mine.
SCOTT SAYS: Is there something wrong with you? There must be something wrong with you if you love Hawaii Five-0. I’ve heard, “if you see it on The Internet, it must be true.” So please tell me the truth; is there something wrong with you?
SCOTT, you are not wrong. But we have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. You might not believe that fans around the world love you, love Alex & Daniel & Grace. Love Hawaii Five-0. Love each other. You might not think that love is possible, if it is not comprehensible to you. But “in this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.” In other words, Scotty, just because you don’t get it, doesn’t mean it’s not real.
Yes, SCOTT, there is something wrong with me. I love Hawaii Five-0. And that love exists as certainly as the love & generosity & devotion of my fellow fans exists and give to my life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Hawaii Five-0. It would be as dreary as if there were no SCOTTS. There would be no reason to endure Mondays, no adrenaline-fueled H50 hangovers (which make you hate Tuesdays), no endless discussions and debates and laughs with my friends to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in maybe like, NCIS:LA or Blue Bloods (but, brah, even you gotta admit, it wouldn’t be the same). The radiant sunlight with which Hawaii Five-0 and H50 fandom fills my world would be extinguished.
Not love Hawaii Five-0! You might as well give up on laughter, passion, beauty or friendship. You might get your papa to hire handsome, talented men to create & star in better tv shows to get everyone to stop watching Hawaii Five-0 but even if you did, what would that prove? Even if nobody watches Hawaii Five-0 ever again after today, that’s not proof that I never loved Hawaii Five-0. That I never loved you, or Alex & Daniel & Grace. Loved my girls. The most real things in the world are those that no fan (or actor) can see. Did you see how relieved I was to find a community of like-minded women at a time in my life when I needed acceptance & friendship? As an actor, you must know how validating it is to be found talented, interesting, and inspiring, by strangers. Do you know how amazing it is to watch as over the course of a few months those strangers become your friends? Do you see how I worry about them when their jobs are stressing them out or they have medical problems? Do you see how they make me laugh and think and *feel things* Every Damn Day? (You could actually see this one, just check my twitter mentions.) Of course you never saw any of these things. Never will see them. But that’s not proof they are not there or that they didn’t happen. “Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.” We’re here. We’re weird. Get used to it.
You may tear apart your show, break it down into components — quality of the acting, the writing, production values, hair & makeup, sound, wardrobe, special effects — to see what makes it tick, but Hawaii Five-0 fandom has an unseen element that not the most intelligent, observant man, nor even the united observations of all the most intelligent men that ever lived, could even identify or hope to disprove. Only friendship, humor, compassion, love, Ohana, can help us understand the true beauty of Hawaii Five-0. Is it all real? Ah, SCOTT, in all this world there is nothing else so real and abiding.
Not love Hawaii Five-0? Not a chance. Also, hate to break it to you, but it’s digital, dude, and your ass is living forever. A thousand years from now, Scott, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, Hawaii Five-0 will continue to make glad the hearts of fans.
If you actually read all the way through that — Thank you for indulging me. If you skipped to the end let me tell you it was kind of a terrible rip-off of the “Yes Virgina there is a Santa Claus” letter (which I normally find annoying but was just what I needed here).
REAL LOVE, EVERYONE.
Yes. There is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with me.
And no. No, there really, really isn’t.