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Burberry McGarrett

Five Times The Five-0s Didn’t Know They were Dealing with Burberry McGarrett (and One Time they Did) Part 4

Are you wondering who/what Burberry McGarrett is? Need a refresher? Click here.

Click Here to read Part One
Click Here to read Part Two
Click Here to read Part Three

The Fourth Time They Didn’t

The fragrant breezes of the warm Hawaiian night drifted past the outdoor patio of Hilton Hawaiian Village. Danny’s friends were sitting at a beach-side table as he played with Grace and Gabby out on the beach. At one end of the table, Chin Ho, Max and Kamekona reminisced about their childhoods on the islands, while at the other end, Kono and Steve watched Danny in silence.

Interrupting Steve’s reverie, Kono observed, “Danny sure was anxious about tonight, wasn’t he Boss? He asked me like ten times if I was coming.”

“Yeah, but it turned out ok, huh?” Steve mused as he listed starboard in his patio chair.

“Sure thing, Boss.” Kono smirked, “don’t know why he was so worried.”

Perhaps it was the alcohol that loosened Steve’s lips, but he turned back to Kono and said, “it was because you never – um, you didn’t — reply to his invite on, on, on Facebook.”

“His what?

“On Facebook, you know, Kono, you set up an event and invite all your friends…”

“I know what a Facebook event is, Boss — what are you saying?”

“Danny invited you, but you never replied. So he was worried you weren’t gonna be here tonight.”

Kono leaned her elbows forward on the table and shook her head. “Why does this keep happening?” she asked the air in front of her. Turning to Steve, she raised her eyebrows and emphasizing every word, she said “I never got the invite – swear to god!

….about six months earlier…

Burberry McGarrett slunk into the shadows of the large plumeria bush near the house he’d been casing for over a week and readjusted his reflective sunglasses. The occupant, Kono Kalakaua, lately of Five-0, rented the postage-stamp of a house and had spent the majority of the last week on the beach or on her couch. Neither place gave Burberry easy access to his ultimate prize – her cell phone. Even though Officer Kalakaua was ex-Five-0, the information he’d be able to gather would be invaluable.

Today, he had an opportunity. Burberry had seen a large man with a square jaw and short dark hair competently jimmy his way through Kalakaua’s locked front door, and gently close it behind him. The man looked to be law enforcement, with his collared shirt and suit jacket. And Burberry could see him through the window, perusing the books and knick-knacks on a tall display shelf in the corner of the front room. He certainly didn’t look as if he were there to steal anything.

Burberry pulled distastefully at the waist of the dark blue jeans he wore. They weren’t his usual style but needing to fit in like he was “just hanging around the neighborhood,” they helped him look the part. The jeans were perhaps half a size too small and on a hot day like today, clung to his legs like a second skin. The light grey cotton shirt he wore was comfortable, unbuttoned down to his sternum, allowing the faint, humid breeze to cool him. The shirt was actually very nice, he thought, the perfect shade of grey to coordinate with both his favorite silver ray bans and the nearly-authentic novelty dog tags he loved to wear. “Maybe I’ll wear them next time,” he thought, rubbing his stubbled jawline with long, calloused fingers.

His hope was that Kalakaua’s intruder would provide the distraction he needed. Kono’s routine was to drop her beach bag full of wet towels and swim suits on the porch, take her surf board inside, and return immediately for the bag to hang the damp contents on the line to dry. The phone was in the bag. Assuming the intruder could distract Kalakaua for long enough, Burberry could make his move.

Kono arrived as she usually did, on her bicycle with its custom surf rack. Burberry moved in as she dropped the kickstand on her bike and hauled up her board. Entering the house as per usual, Burberry could just see through the corner of the front window as Kalakaua pulled her gun on the intruder, leaving her beach bag unattended by the door, finally…

Working quickly back in the shade of the plumeria he hung his aviators in the vee of his shirt and pulled up the email and phone records on Kalakaua’s phone. Noting what he needed, he craned his neck to listen in on the conversation between the Five-0 and her intruder. The discussion seemed to be continuing, with a good deal of back and forth on both sides. Burberry turned his attention back to the phone.

Passing by at least twelve surfing and seven local weather apps, he came to her social networking apps and contacts. Quickly scrolling through her Facebook friends list he found entries for Max Bergman, Charlie Fong, Jenna Kaye, Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams. He unfriended all of them and hit “block.” Exiting the application, he quickly blocked their home and cell phone numbers from her contact list, and then tampered with the entries so outgoing calls wouldn’t connect. Finally, he blocked the numbers for the landline of Five-0 Headquarters and all HPD offices. “No more calls or texts incoming from Five-0,” Burberry thought with a smirk. He considered adding Chin Ho Kelly’s numbers to the blocked list — but didn’t want to push his tampering so far that it became obvious.

Peering back around the corner, he saw that Kono had lowered her gun and appeared deep in conversation with the swarthy, suited man. Recrossing the yard, he slipped the phone back into the bag by the door where he’d found it, replaced his custom aviators with a grin, and darted away into the balmy Hawaiian afternoon…

Fifth Part Right Here!

Author’s Notes: This story was inspired by all of H50 fandom’s comments, blogs, thoughts, posts, emotions, entries, stories and feelings during Season 2 episodes 2-5. This is how I fixed it in my mind. I know it’s not perfect & your mileage may vary. But this is how I fixed it, for me.

Thanks to LaHagela who – though she didn’t know she was doing it – talked me through the timing of this story and inspired the idea of a flashback.

How messed up is it that I’m still totally mad Burberry for doing this … I wasn’t even nearly this mad when I wrote that he smuggled Jenna’s fiancé Josh into North Korea!!!

So – Story Coda: We’re ending on this happy note. Back to the HHV…. Later that night…!


THANKS TO ESS for supplying me with pics of Alex on his phone that I could use for that pretty awful manip up there. Here’s the un-filtered version, which I probably should have just stuck with. THANKS ESS!!

About SJ2

I am good with: Details, Bad Ideas, Hilarity, Sarcasm and Overthinking! I kid because I care!


44 thoughts on “Five Times The Five-0s Didn’t Know They were Dealing with Burberry McGarrett (and One Time they Did) Part 4

  1. Ah ha! Mystery solved. Now we know why Kono wasn’t getting Steve and Danny’s text. I am now off to friend McG on Facebook. 😛

    Another great psot Steph.

    Posted by Infant_Sardonic | April 5, 2012, 6:07 pm
  2. “I never got the invite – swear to god!“
    Messing with Kono’s Facebook? Now that’s just COLD!!

    “The jeans were perhaps half a size too small and on a hot day like today, clung to his legs like a second skin”
    And since he was going commando, those jeans clung to more than just his legs. *wink*

    Another post made of AWESOME SAUCE Steph!! 🙂
    Thanks for adding the coda… love the drinking at the HHV!

    Posted by heymomo | April 5, 2012, 6:31 pm
  3. Am I the only one this happens to? Maybe I have a one track mind, but lately it seems wherever I go I see something or hear something that reminds me of something or ties in with something I’ve read here or on the pages of Sardonic.

    Tonight at a jazz concert, they played a song by Horace Silver called “Filthy McNasty”. I thought — what a good nickname for Burberry!

    I need help!!

    Thanks for explaining the things that must have happened off screen, Steph. And I loved the pic of the lushes at the end.

    Posted by karin@notMcNerd | April 5, 2012, 9:21 pm
  4. STEPH!! That pic at the end! DY-ING!!!

    Posted by Princess Buttercup (ESS) @H50BAMF | April 5, 2012, 9:42 pm
  5. Oh and brililant use of the pic with Alex & the phone! I was wondering how you were going to use it! Now aren’t you happy I spent time tagging all my Alex pics?

    Posted by Princess Buttercup (ESS) @H50BAMF | April 5, 2012, 9:44 pm
  6. “Steve mused as he listed starboard in his patio chair” McG muses!!!!!

    Posted by LaHagela (The Tinkler) | April 6, 2012, 6:22 am
  7. “Thanks to LaHagela who – though she didn’t know she was doing it – talked me through the timing of this story and inspired the idea of a flashback.”
    Wow…..not a clue…….but OK!! Your V V WELCOME!!

    Posted by LaHagela (The Tinkler) | April 6, 2012, 6:28 am
    • Remember I asked you if it would be confusing to have a story about Kono on suspension coming after the wedding episode? This story originally didn’t begin/end at HHV, it was just the part with Kono & Fryer. Then what you said made me realize I could make it a flashback… and it’s probably the best part of the story too, drunk Steve & Kono at HHV. 😉

      Posted by stephaniejane2 (The Junk Kicker) | April 7, 2012, 1:40 pm
  8. So THIS explains why it seemed like Steve and Danny abandoned Kono when she got booted from 50. They WERE contacting her, she just never got back to them! THANK YOU, STEPH. ILU!!!!!

    Posted by westy | April 6, 2012, 7:23 am
  9. You had me at stubbled jawline. Which brings me to my fave word in this post – “swarthy.”

    Posted by spurschick | April 6, 2012, 9:49 am
  10. Nice one Steph.
    Love pissed (drunk) Steve, and the drunk picture was great.

    Posted by frodo20 | April 7, 2012, 12:29 am


  1. Pingback: Five Times The Five-0s Didn’t Know They were Dealing with Burberry McGarrett (and One Time they Did) Part 5 « Junk Kicker's #H50 Junk Drawer - April 6, 2012

  2. Pingback: Five Times The Five-0s Didn’t Know They were Dealing with Burberry McGarrett (and One Time they Did) Part 3 « Junk Kicker's #H50 Junk Drawer - April 9, 2012

  3. Pingback: The One Time they Did (And Now the Conclusion…) « Junk Kicker's #H50 Junk Drawer - April 9, 2012

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