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Adam & The Yaks (The Musical Gangster)

So I was chatting with my friend Kimmer about last Monday’s re-airing of H50 2.14 “Pu’olo / The Package” the episode which culminates in a dramatic hilltop confrontation: McG & Joe White vs. Adam & his Yakuza gangsters.

In the course of conversation, Kimmer referred to the black hats in this scenario as “Adam & The Yaks.” And, well, idea bunnies started multiplying rapidly in my head. They resulted in this, what in my mind is an album cover, front and back for the best damn Queen cover/parody band working the Pacific Rim today…

PLEASE NOTE: I am in no way condoning the actions of Adam Noshimuri on H50 re: use of duct tape on women who trust him — but I am the sort of person, where, I have to laugh when it hurts & make light of the dark. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy.

On a completely unrelated, but entirely hilarious note, in researching for this post (yes did you know, THIS BLOG requires research???) I wikipedia-ed the term “Mexican Standoff” as a potential description of the encounter between McG & Adam. It was, as I thought, not entirely accurate as the traditional Mexican Standoff requires three participants, but the article is an enjoyable read, culminating as it does, in describing the … opposite of a Mexican Standoff, which I think my friends north of the border may appreciate. So click Here to read it.


About SJ2

I am good with: Details, Bad Ideas, Hilarity, Sarcasm and Overthinking! I kid because I care!


73 thoughts on “Adam & The Yaks (The Musical Gangster)

  1. I think I may actually *be* dead this time.

    Posted by Alicia | July 18, 2012, 12:23 pm
    • I put a lot of detail work into that duct tape JUST FOR YOU YA KNOW? πŸ˜†

      Posted by SJ2 (Junk Kicker) | July 18, 2012, 1:58 pm
      • I love you for it. It is superb duct tape. Duct Tape of the Gods. And after looking up ‘goo-gone’ to make sure it is what I think it is (it is) I am now having mild hysterics again. There’s a missed product placement opportunity for Show, if ever I saw one. πŸ˜‰

        And I didn’t notice the first time that on the back cover he is STANDING ON A YAK!!!!! I have Glenn Campbell in my head now….Like a Duct Tape Yakboy….

        Posted by Alicia | July 18, 2012, 2:34 pm
  2. There are so many things to love about this but what sticks out to me (pun intended) is that Stick Adam is ambidextrous.

    Posted by JDD | July 18, 2012, 12:35 pm
    • Also his sunglasses are the transition lenses – one time they’re dark one time they’re light! πŸ˜† Adam can be gun-handed ambidextrious for all we know because we’ve never actually seen him shoot a gun have we??

      Posted by SJ2 (Junk Kicker) | July 18, 2012, 2:00 pm
      • He tried to shoot Wo Fat but the lawyer beat him to it. His hands were probably still sticky from the duct tape and he didn’t have any goo gone (best product ever, BTW). Good thing he’s cute because his gangsta skillz could use a little work.

        Posted by JDD | July 18, 2012, 4:55 pm
  3. “Awesome” seems like too small of a word here.

    Posted by spurschick | July 18, 2012, 1:08 pm
  4. I did not grab nearly enough napkins at lunch to clean up the spit-take this caused. I think I pulled something from laughing so hard. #loves

    Posted by PNWgal (@PNWgal) | July 18, 2012, 1:10 pm
  5. Stephanie Jane is made of awesome!

    Those are, like – perfect Yaks!!!!! Yakuza Rhapsody would be on ‘repeat’ in my car.

    Junk Kicker blog – funny AND informative.

    Posted by KimmerNY | July 18, 2012, 1:51 pm
  6. And – just read the Wiki for Mexican Standoff. Officially hysterical right now.

    Posted by KimmerNY | July 18, 2012, 1:53 pm
  7. HIIIi! I’m waving from the Canadian side of the border!! On a serious note, I really appreciated reading this right now-I live in Toronto where there have been multiple gang related murders of innocent bystanders here recently. Your little “wiki link” reminded me that the majority of us Canadians are quite polite and well behaved. Thank you!

    Posted by Sari | July 18, 2012, 3:37 pm
    OMG get ready for an ALLCAPS EXPLOSION!
    AND REFERENCED GOO GONE! (which we have at work btw… people are gross and leave gum in unpleasant places)
    I love you. That is all.

    Posted by heymomo | July 18, 2012, 4:01 pm
  9. I have no words.

    Except, be careful what you say online because Steph may turn it into a stick! post. LMAO!! *such an honor*

    Posted by ESS @H50BAMF | July 18, 2012, 4:16 pm
  10. I’m still giggling over the duck tape…
    B-side for the first single: fat bottom geisha

    Posted by LaHagela (The Tinkler) | July 18, 2012, 5:51 pm
  11. Ohhhhh !! YAKKITY YAKS don’t talk back ! πŸ˜† πŸ˜† Stephanie – you are so creative !
    PLEEEEEZZZZEEEE Tell me someone has the lyrics to Yakuza Rhapsody …. Anyone ??

    I just love this !

    Posted by Stalker! (lb) | July 18, 2012, 7:22 pm
  12. Terrific! The details get me every time…transition lenses and ambidextrous and oh those song titles! But the Candian standoff, does anyone ever get through a 4 way stop there? Or do they all use traffic circles for continuous motion so no one has to “go first”?

    Posted by cvc | July 18, 2012, 8:46 pm
  13. You are too much! πŸ˜€ Priceless.

    Posted by Infant_Sardonic | July 19, 2012, 4:56 am
  14. I saw this earlier today on my phone and I’ve been trying, all day, to think of what to say. Besides awesome. And there just isn’t another word.
    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

    Posted by westy | July 19, 2012, 7:35 am
  15. I can’t wait for the touring musical production…

    Posted by ESS @H50BAMF | July 19, 2012, 9:07 am
  16. Some random thoughts:
    – I LOVE This – awesome, awesome!
    – Another song for the B side – We Are the Five-Os (a la We are the Champions).
    – Ironic that Tinkler’s recommendation was “Fat Bottomed Geishas”, given her role as main organizer of the AOL granny-panty raid. Tee hee!
    – What did I ever do for laughs before I met you h00kers! You complete me!

    Posted by AnnieOakley | July 20, 2012, 12:33 pm
  17. I managed (after much, much searching online πŸ˜‰ ) to find the lyrics to Yakuza Rhapsody. They are quite silly and don’t make a whole lot of sense. So um, nothing like the original at all then.

    (Original is here http://www.youtu.be.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ)

    There’s a bit towards the end that is ‘sung’ by Kono – the last line doesn’t scan, but it was too good to leave out. Credit to AnnieOakley AGAIN (she really DOES have the best ideas!). Also, I gave myself a cameo in it (like Hitchcock!) but you need the alternative English pronounciation of Alicia (A-li-see-ya) to make it work.

    Here we go:

    Yakuza Rhapsody

    Is this real duct tape?
    Is this just plastic wrap?
    (Best for the bedroom, but
    Please don’t ask how I know that.)

    Open your eyes, look down at my thighs and see…
    I’m just a Yakboy, duct tape is all I need,
    Because it’s easy on, easy off, little glue, not so tough.
    Any way the goo goes doesn’t really matter to me…
    To me.

    Shelburne… can I call you ‘Mom’?
    I don’t know who my mother is.
    They didn’t write her in (what gives?).
    Momma – my story’s just begun
    But TPTB have thrown it all away.
    Momma – ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
    I didn’t mean to make them cross.
    If I save Kono maybe they’ll soon forgive me.
    I’ll carry on… carry on…
    Atplenkov doesn’t think it matters.

    I know! it wasn’t real at all!
    Back to the hotel scene,
    While I showered, Kono dreamed.
    Goodbye, Mr Toothpick, you’ve got to go.
    It’s a shame and all, but it’s the only way.
    Momma – ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
    I just want Wo Fat to die.
    I mostly wish he’d never been born at all.

    I see a giant silhouetto of a man.
    Oh McG! oh McG! You should really be my wingman.
    HHV commotions, panties and explosions, yeah!

    (Where is Hiro?) Where is Hiro?
    (Where is Hiro?) Where is Hiro?
    Where is Hiro? Let him go.
    Where is he Jo-o-o-o-oe?

    I’m just a Yakboy, nobody loves me.
    (He’s just a Yakboy, from a Yak family,
    He can’t help himself with this duct tapery.)

    Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
    (Atplenkov: No! we will not let you go.)
    Let him go! (Atplenkov: We will not let you go.)
    Let him go! (Atplenkov: We will not let you go.)
    Let me go! (Will not let you go.)
    Let me go! (Never, never, never.)
    Let me go!
    Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe!

    Oh Momma Shelburne, Momma Shelburne
    Momma Shelburne, let me go!
    Alicia has a blue room put aside for me,
    For me,
    For meeeeeeeeee.

    So you think you can s*x me and spit in my eye?
    So you think you can duct me and leave me to die?
    Oh, baby, I got news for you, baby,
    I’m just gonna get out,
    And then I’m going to shoot you in the kneecap, motherf*cker.)

    Kono really matters.
    I’ll try to make you see.
    Kono really matters.
    Kono really matters to me.

    Any way the goo goes…

    Posted by Alicia | July 25, 2012, 8:05 am
  18. The best part was singing along in your head whilst reading this amazing-ness!!!
    Alicia you killer me!!

    Posted by LaHagela (The Tinkler) | July 25, 2012, 8:29 am
    • I have rediscovered my appreciation for the original during the EIGHT TIMES I listened to it to make sure everything fit! (Sorry about the killering.) (not really.)

      Posted by Alicia | July 26, 2012, 1:58 am
  19. ^^^^^^^this…I can hear the song …brilliant lyrics and use of the name/rhyme Hiro/joe/let him go. and Yakboy.

    Posted by cvc | July 25, 2012, 5:10 pm
  20. difficulty… breathing… *inhales*
    breathe… *snort*
    *wipes tears from eyes*
    HHV commotions, panties and explosions <<<THIS FTW!!

    Posted by heymomo | July 25, 2012, 5:31 pm
  21. Seriously, words fail me – this is awesomeness x infinity! And yes, I’d like to think that somewhere in rock-and-roll heaven Freddie would sing it for us (I think he would have loved McG!)
    And extra special FUCUP thanks for the shooting in the kneecap shoutout!
    I love you, one and ALL!

    Posted by AnnieOakley | July 27, 2012, 12:23 pm
  22. O

    I cannot begin to express the total hysterics I am in right now. I would quote my favorite parts – but that would be me copying the WHOLE FCKNG THING!!!!!

    Posted by KimmerNY | August 8, 2012, 6:43 am


  1. Pingback: Five Reactions to La O Na Makuahine (and Reactions to the Reactions) « Junk Kicker's #H50 Junk Drawer - September 25, 2012

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